The Empowering Yourself Podcast - More Power to You ! - Carlo Moschetta and Andre Rehse
How can we actually live an authentic and more fulfilling life? The Empowering Yourself Podcast series, aim at inspiring and discovering what authenticity and being true to oneself really mean in practical everyday life. Do you respect yourself by embodying all that you are? Join us to learn more and More Power to You !
The Empowering Yourself Podcast - More Power to You ! - Carlo Moschetta and Andre Rehse
Finding Authenticity Through Body Awareness - with Carlo Moschetta and Body Psychotherapist and Integral Coach Clemens Feuerherdt.
Have you ever wondered how you can get to a more authentic living by using your body?
Being authentic isn’t a purely mental thing but a very much physical affair!
Join us for a captivating conversation with Clemens Feuerherdt, a Body Psychotherapist and Integral Coach from Berlin, as we unpack the profound connection between being true to oneself and continuous personal development.
Clemens shares his expert insights into how our bodies can signal whether we are living authentically and how tuning into these physical sensations can help us navigate our lives and increase authenticity, satisfaction and certainly overall growth.
In this podcast you will learn practical tips to reconnect with your true self and discover the vitality that comes from embracing who you are.
From understanding cultural differences in emotional expression to embracing vulnerability with numerous and easy practical examples you can experiment right away, this episode equips you with the tools to live more genuinely and deeply connect with those around you.
We uncover how disruptions in our breathing patterns, often stemming from trauma, can leave us feeling frozen and disconnected. By exploring the striking similarities between the sensations of nervousness and excitement, we can see how our minds interpret these feelings and how we can shift our perspective for better emotional well-being.
By now you know well the meaning of living life in your own shoes. And that authenticity isn’t just a buzzword but a path to empowerment and resilience.
Authentic living isn't a choice you make only once but one that you get familiar in discerning and choosing again and again as you move along in your very own unique life path.
It is like a beautiful yet delicate plant which needs daily watering to grow strong into a mighty tree! I do feel that every human being deserves to live an empowered life, discover and embody all that they are as we have but one life which will at some point end. Lets make the best of it!
Tune in and start your journey toward a more authentic life right now!
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Contacts: Clemens Feuerherdt www.core-expression.de
Send us a message and let us know your thoughts, we'd love to hear from you!
We will upload at least one new podcast episode per month. Should you wish to get in touch on Instagram: @carlo.coach.berlin.portugal
Thank you and see you soon!
Carlo & Andre
my name is Carlo, I'm in my life 4.0 and this is my podcast. It is about empowering people and authenticity, and I hope it will be entertaining too, because hopefully it will inspire you to be more yourself, so more power to you.
Andre:My name is André. I'm a filmmaker and science journalist. I got intrigued by Carlo's idea and we joined forces to bring to you this humble podcast. Today we have body psychotherapist and integral coach Clemens Feuerherd. He's practicing in Berlin, supporting people to overcome traumas and unfold their authenticity and aliveness.
Clemens :Hi Carlo, I'm very happy to be here.
Carlo :I'm super happy. It was so great to meet you a few weeks ago and then we exchanged a couple of words and it was so exciting when we touched the point of being authentic. I don't even remember how we managed to to get there, but somehow we clicked and here we are. So can you introduce our listeners to what you do and what's your experience, and then we can drive right in?
Clemens :yes, I have a practice for body psychotherapy and integral coaching, so I work with the body and the mind. It's a very holistic approach, and authenticity is part of every therapy or coaching process or personal development process that I do with people, and the body plays an important role in that, absolutely, absolutely it's.
Carlo :You have this physical sensation. You know when you are authentic, you feel something yes, yes, it's interesting.
Clemens :Yes, I also think um. It is something that that you can feel and that also other people they sense it they can sense it.
Carlo :Oh, this is very interesting. Tell us more other people. How can the other people sense it with the base of your you know, your experience?
Carlo :yeah, I think we all have this ability, right you feel if somebody is authentic, true, but I feel that nowadays, it's kind of getting a little bit lost, and that's why is that? This is the real reason why I got into, I embarked into this adventure of these podcasts. I feel that the value of authenticity which actually is so so the core of who we are is getting a little bit lost, kind of as if it's something that we can do without you know. Rather, I feel that it's something so central to humans and to who we are. What do you feel about this?
Clemens :Yes, absolutely yeah. I mean we see all these people, for example, on YouTube like presenting themselves, and I don't know, on a big yacht. Oh yeah, big cars, big cars and say okay, you only have to buy this book and then in three weeks you will be as successful as me.
Clemens :So there's a lot of like these very narcissistic ideas and these images out there very narcissistic ideas and these images out there and people are trying to, to be, to become, become something, to follow some ideal but lose a connection to who they are themselves. Yeah, but that's it.
Carlo :This is an excellent point. When you say they lose connection, who they really are, some people could say what does it mean losing connection? I mean, I know who I am and I know this. How could, for example, let's go into the practical. I know we are going really quick into it, right, we haven't even said a little bit about what actually you do in your day-to-day practice. But before we go there, because we are going in a minute, how you know losing in a minute, how you know losing ourselves. So you know it's a big thing to say losing ourselves or finding ourselves being authentic against not being authentic. With your experience in your field, how do you distinguish the two and how do you help a person that might not be so clear about what authenticity means to be, be lost?
Clemens :Yeah, it usually starts with presence. Can you be present? Can a person be present in the moment with himself?
Carlo :How can they do it. Do you have a tip for how to be present, for example Breathing technique?
Clemens :Yeah, it could be a breathing technique, but the most simple thing is it's like start where you are right. So starting where you are means that you can just check into what is here right now give me an example.
Carlo :We can do a little exercise, please, please, the listeners can do it too exactly.
Clemens :You can do it too at home when you're listening to, so, um, usually also we have these head-to-head talks, right, and also here in communication. I mean, we can talk about it, but first, of course, you can just listen into yourself, and usually we listen a lot to our minds, yeah, to all the thoughts that are going on. And now I want to invite you to listen to other levels emotional level and the bodily sensation level. Yeah, so just feel right now into your sense, into your body. What is it that you there? Yeah, maybe there's something standing out. So, for example, you can, could feel some tension in a certain area of the body yes, my neck area.
Carlo :I work too much on a computer during the weekend I feel the tension.
Clemens :It really is highlighted with the silence and the presence is really affiliate and yeah, and they could also be something like like an energy of excitement somewhere mm-hmm, I'm excited of being here having this conversation with you.
Clemens :That's's totally true yeah, in myself, for example, I can feel that some a little bit of a lightheadedness, yeah, yeah, and yeah also I I feel some tension in in the belly area at the moment, or maybe it's like the diaphragm, it's this area, and so we're not trying to change anything, we're just noticing what's there. Okay, yeah. And then you can do it in two different ways. You can either notice what stands out for you or you can do it like a body scan. Yeah, that you also. You can do also that, that you check okay, how do my feet feel right now?
Clemens :Solid on the ground. Yeah, so I can also my feet feel like like they're full, somehow filled out. And then from there we can feel upwards, to our calves and to the lower legs, to the knees, and just notice. What can you notice there? And sometimes it can also for the lizards. Maybe you're not so quick, maybe you need some time to feel into it, because it's very unusual. You don't do it every time.
Carlo :Or maybe you have been doing yoga and you're very used to sensing in your body, so then you might be quicker yeah, but let's do it for people that have never done it before, because I think there are many people out there that this is a new type of information, so it's very good that we do really the ABC. So thanks for that. So please carry on.
Clemens :Okay, yeah. So maybe, Carlo, you want to share with us what you can feel in your calves in this area.
Carlo :I feel the moment that you mentioned, um, you know, from the feet to the calf, I feel like, um, they are. I'm much more aware of my legs now and how I'm seated and and perhaps it's our conversation, but I feel very, very calm and very relaxed and, yeah, it's a very nice silence which we are filling with interesting words. I hope the listeners will think the same, um, but yeah, it makes it helps have been right here right now yeah, and then you can go on going to the knees, yeah, and usually the joints are very interesting points.
Clemens :Okay, these connecting points, they usually feel a little bit different than, yeah, let's say, the lower arm or just the calf, the muscles and so on. Can you notice that there is a difference?
Carlo :I definitely feel the difference. I love jogging and my left knee is being battered quite a bit and I definitely sense that it's asking for attention.
Clemens :Yeah, it's often much more sensitive.
Carlo :Yes, it's much more sensitive. Can I ask you a question? While we do this exercise, which is extremely interesting and also a very practical thing that can be actually put into practice immediately, right, and just wherever you are, you can do it Park your car, sit for a moment and do it. Or at home, talking about authenticity, how, for example, could this exercise help us in the authenticity front, or the non-being authentic or, you know, raise an alarm bell? They're like oh, here you're not being so true to yourself, for example. I don't know, because this is your field, right absolutely yeah, so it has to.
Clemens :For me, it has a lot to do with grounding, yeah tell us more about embodied. Yeah, a lot we hear um this word embodiment okay oh, maybe some of you, some of us, hear it more than others, but, um, yeah, it's, it's there. Yeah, I hear it often, and people talk about embodiment yeah, so being like being in the body really, to being so, feeling your body being connected, um, as an opposite to, uh, being like dissociated, yeah, being really not connected at all to your body, or just in your head.
Carlo :Distracted, worried, running around like a chicken. Yeah, something like that, yes.
Clemens :And yeah, just also being present and being with, and the body is also always in the moment. Right, it's not in the future.
Carlo :Okay, excellent point. Okay, the body is always in the moment. Okay, yeah, okay.
Clemens :So it's a resource and we forget that the body is a resource for us and often we notice our body when there is pain or when there is tension.
Carlo :Yes.
Clemens :But we often forget that the body is such an amazing resource.
Carlo :Absolutely, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Couldn't agree more. In fact, you made me think about in the past. I had a period of my life 2007 and 2008, that I was doing quite a bit of yoga. I haven't done it for a while now, but it was that time when I really back pain was a memory. It just disappeared. Yoga made all my back pain disappear and at that time I remember that the the teacher that we had it was saying something very simple but yet extremely deep.
Carlo :It's like you know, breathing it's only, can only be now. So where are you going? You know it's you breathing it's. You can only breathe now. And he was saying you know, wherever it's happening, even in a difficult situation, you can always center yourself with your breathing, which can only happen right here, right now. And also, you don't breathe. It just happens Because we don't do the breathing right. Sometimes we are so busy doing things right and, of course, there are many processes in this unbelievable machine that is our human body. But we don't have to think okay, I'm going to breathe now. Okay, let's have a heartbeat here, no another one there. It's just happening. There's a rhythm that is just inside our body. We don't have to worry about vital things. They just happen.
Clemens :Yeah, that's true, and at the same time we are unconsciously very much also interfering in the natural process. Tell us more, yeah, when we talk about breathing. So when we breathe less, we feel less, or sometimes or often we even stop when something is happening, we're surprised or we are afraid.
Clemens :Then we hold the breath and there's also something that can be also good for a moment to just hold the breath. So it's also like an animal. Yeah, hold the breath. So it's also like an animal. Yeah, like in the moment, looking to the left and the right and looking where's the danger coming from Right yes, yes. So it's also very present.
Carlo :Very present must be.
Clemens :If you continue that you're not breathing that much, then this silence becomes a frozenness. Yeah, yeah, it becomes a frozenness, and then you don't feel so much. Your perception is outwards.
Andre:Right.
Clemens :Yeah, yeah good point, but if that continues, that's part of what we have when people are traumatized.
Carlo :yeah, yes, it's like the trauma that happens is kind of frozen and remembered by the body and it's kind of stored in some place of the body as well, and then when something happens, the person feels that and maybe breathes shallows. By the way, there's an interesting parallel about being excited, because the feeling of being excited actually can be. It mixes sometimes with the feeling of being nervous, because when you're nervous you have this feeling that bothers you, but the excitement on the physical sensation, not on the mental explanation that we so well write down in our heads and all the stories, but sometimes on a physical sensation. You might be nervous about something and you're like, oh my God, will I pass the exam? Or whatever that is. But then on the other level you might be excited that, oh my God, you know that is going to happen and you're super excited that is going to happen. And uh, and you're super excited and actual bodily feeling, the electricity in the body, the sensation in the body, in the chest, in the center of the chest, sometimes actually is very similar and it's only the mind that colors it with the label that says I am nervous. I am excited because if once I did an exercise and if in these situations, instead than I am nervous, you just think like, okay, I have Alzheimer's, I can't remember anything, everything is just I don't know anything. I just have this sensation, but I don't want to give it a name. Could be excitement just as well as nervousness, because the buzz that we feel in the body is just a buzz.
Carlo :Because I am a believer and I experimented in my own skin that if I say a lie, I feel bad, it doesn't empower me, it makes me feel weaker.
Carlo :But if I actually say something that I truly believe and I am, as to say, standing in my own shoes in that belief, it's really what I think and I just voice it. Whatever that is right, the simplest of the it, whatever that is right, the simplest of the whatever that is, I feel good because it's like yeah, that's that's I don't need to remember, because that's what I really think. But if I say something that is not quite true or totally honest, then another part of myself needs to, needs to memorize it, because next time I might forget about it and I need to remember that little lie which becomes then a burden, because then it becomes a job, and so that all this kind of mental activity we have. You're smiling so you can tell us more in a moment. Doesn't that also become a physical sensation that we feel, in both situations where we are and where we are not, authentic empowered and disempowered?
Clemens :yes, and it becomes even more. It becomes your body posture, it becomes the whole appearance of your body. We say the character forms also the body shape. So you can read a body and then have ideas. I'm not saying you can tell everything about a person, but you can look into the history and the upbringing of a person also, like partly there are also genes, right, but I like to say at least 50% is that's a lot is from the upbringing and the whole cultural background.
Carlo :That's a lot. It's from the upbringing, yeah, and the whole cultural background, and you can read it through body posture and how people move and how they back, for example, the back how do you say stretched and nice straight or a little bit curved back and a little bit more turtleneck, you know kind of covering and protecting Absolutely.
Clemens :See, you know already what I'm talking about.
Carlo :A little bit. That's my coaching side. Yeah, a little bit.
Clemens :Yes, yes, we can also invite the listeners. I mean to have an experience here. If you, we can. If you like, if you like, let your bring your shoulders forward yeah and if you make a round back, and if you let your head drop, also your arms, if you let all that be heavy, then feel into your emotions. How do you feel in your body?
Carlo :I'm following you and I feel heavier, yeah, and also breathing it's more difficult.
Clemens :And what about your emotion?
Carlo :Oh, I'm starting to think about negative stuff.
Clemens :Yeah, yeah.
Carlo :Yeah, right, yes.
Clemens :And if you sit like that, yeah for an extended period of time. Yeah, you have a point then you might start to get depressed and in a way, your body is depressed, it's like compressed.
Carlo :It is as if there is a burden, like a weight on the shoulder pushing you down.
Clemens :Exactly, and it also feels like I have no energy.
Carlo :Right, right.
Clemens :And you might think of some people that you know who have more this kind of body posture.
Carlo :Oh, believe me, a bunch of years ago, thank God, a long time ago, that was me.
Clemens :Yeah, yeah, I also have a part that is like that.
Carlo :Oh sometimes, yes, I find myself a little bit down and then I have to oops, let's stretch and yeah, and that's interesting, right also from there.
Clemens :So if, if some, if a client would come to me yeah, and also talking about authenticity, right in in at this point, when you feel, okay, uh, I could invite this person to feel, maybe I see that the shoulders are like that, the posture forward, yeah curved forward and and the head is hanging on.
Clemens :so, um, there can be an impulse, as you said, to like okay, I need to, I need to get out of this, I need to sit straight and have like a straight body posture and sit upright, and of course, this will change something. Yeah, it does.
Carlo :You feel more. Yeah, okay, yes, yes, ready for action.
Clemens :So true, so true, yeah. So this is one direction that I could say, okay, maybe what happens if you change your body posture, yeah. But this could also direction that I could say, okay, maybe what happens if you change your body posture, yeah, but this could also. And then the person might think oh, yes, as you said, oh, I feel much better, I have, I can breathe more, but that's, but that's not the full truth, okay in a way, that's not really fully authentic, because there's a part of you, this person then, that wants to.
Clemens :That that is, there is an authenticity in this, like you could say bad body posture because there's information in that, there's information in that, there's information in that, and often I invite people to do it even stronger To emphasize this position, to emphasize and curve forward even more To find, to have an experience what's in there. And if I allow myself to curve more forward, I might eventually land in a fetal position In a fetal position which is like the most protective.
Clemens :In yoga, you have this child position and it's also what we do. When there's a very loud do, when there's like a very loud sound, the shoulders are going up and you curve forward. Yeah, or it could be this could be a position somebody is landing in and the information in that could be oh, I need protection. I could even ask okay, now that you, what do you get out of this?
Carlo :Oh, now I feel much more protected when I'm there, but first I have to go in into something to find out what's there so this is we're pertaining to authenticity, so the authenticity of actually feeling that bad feeling is actually there, so let's be authentic with it, so not optimize first.
Clemens :And also we have the tendency that we often, if there's a pain in the shoulder, we want to make movements to make it go away. Right, but that often that doesn't work at all, but we're not listening to it. But when you listen to it, when I invite you, okay, what is what? How does your, if you allow your movement, impulse? Yeah, and impulses have a lot to do with authenticity tell me more, yeah, expression for me, that authenticity has a lot to do with expression. Because you don't have. You don't say I have such authentic feelings right now or I have very authentic thoughts, I have very authentic body sensation. No, you don't say that, it's just there, it's just there.
Clemens :It depends on what you do with it. If you express it, it has to do with the expression. There's movement, wonderful.
Carlo :I like this explanation. We are touching incredible other corners of this. Please carry on. I'm so interested.
Clemens :And so when it comes into expression, then you see, so is there a flow in the movement, or is there something like holding in the movement, or is is it like? Is there something like holding? Yeah, and often if there's like somebody is moving, like like you could also say naturally, or if it's unrestricted, the movement okay and then we often see this as authentic. Yeah or um, that it's it. It fits how the person feels in this moment.
Carlo :Because you are saying that there is an authenticity intrinsic in the body movement, intrinsic in the body.
Clemens :It shows through the body, yeah, and it is there in our impulses and on the other hand, it also. Then it's interesting also to see if it don't feel so authentic or you feel like we're doing something only half.
Clemens :then there is also a part that's like pulling in the other direction and then there's also something that you can explore, that I'm exploring with my clients, and then I might say, okay, because I cannot decide and one part of me wants to do this, another part is afraid, doesn't want to do it. Okay, so then I say, let's explore both.
Clemens :So go fully into your fear. The fearful part, yeah. So I don't know we can take an example. So, oh, I'm so interested in this woman, but I have the long one part of me is long. I would just love to write her and to meet with her. Yeah, and when I see her but I'm afraid of rejection.
Clemens :Exactly that's a big one for men yeah and uh, not just for men also. Yeah, sure, I think about everyone. Yeah, but yeah, so this would be like. This would be like the most authentic expression then. Or and you can also ask you, I would would buy her flowers or say, oh wow, you look so beautiful, but I'm, I'm, I'm holding, you're holding back something yeah of course, going back to experience, that you don't want to be hurt, you would, you you don't want to feel this pain, and so on.
Clemens :So and then, but then you can, you can what, if you just? And then we get stuck in, okay, and then you don't allow this, and then the other part, the fear, comes in and it pulls the other direction. It says oh my God, no, no, I can't do that. What's going to happen? And maybe she doesn't like me and maybe I will be rejected, and this reminds me of this relationship I had before. So there's another energy pulling back. So you cannot be.
Carlo :You cannot express so authentically but also, wouldn't it be also authentic? The fear, because the absolutely that's.
Clemens :That's. That's, that's another level. Right, you could use this in your communication and use this like make this problem your, your resource, your companion. Yeah, you could. Then, if, if you have this conversation, if you have I'm the conversation with her, yeah, you could say, okay, you know, there's a part of me that way, I feel really drawn towards you. But then I must say I'm actually also afraid.
Carlo :I'm afraid to leave. Oh, you mean, in this example, to put it on the table?
Clemens :To put it on the table, yeah, be completely open. Yeah.
Carlo :That's another level.
Clemens :That's another level, but it is.
Carlo :Because we're talking about a relationship, but it could be in any other things. It could be with your father, with your mother, it could be with your children, it could be with a good friend. Maybe you're starting up a business and you want to make the other person happy, but actually what you really want to say is something a bit different and you're saying put it on the table, Just whatever. Is there the good and the bad, whatever?
Clemens :Because everything is there, the good and the bad, whatever, because everything is true in that moment. Right, and yeah, and we could also use this situation right now. Right, we have started, uh, from this point of like sharing a little bit what's what's going on, like feeling into the body and sharing what we feel. Yeah, yes, so this makes connection. Yes, because then you can also you have an idea. When I say, okay, my leg feels a little bit heavy, or I hear there's some tension somewhere in your body, I know how that feels, my body knows how that feels, so that makes connection.
Carlo :Absolutely true.
Clemens :So, and the same thing on the emotional level that we can share. Okay, what am I feeling right now?
Carlo :You might share the same feeling because you might have experienced it before, so you can connect at that level. I know a lot because coaching has a lot to do with these things. You can only coach what you actually have been through. You can't coach something that you just read on the book. It doesn't work.
Clemens :True, yeah, and then you can also share, of course, your thoughts, what you're thinking right now. And the next level would be then to say okay, and how am I doing with you right now? So this is a bigger risk usually. So I could say, first step would be also to ask how am I connected with myself right now? I could say, oh, okay, still feel a little bit more lightheaded right now. I feel like 50% grounded and embodied. So I would say 50%, and then I can sense over to you and could check.
Carlo :High contact how much?
Clemens :connected, do I feel, to Carlo right? Now and I tell us, and I would be honest we don't yeah, we don't know it. We hardly know each other, we met five minutes some weeks ago.
Carlo :We're meeting again now. It's true, yes, so and what is it?
Clemens :what is that doing? Yeah, what is that doing? What's that doing? So I would be a liar if I said, oh Carlo, no problem, I trust you 100%, I'm 100% relaxed in your presence, and of course I mean the difference from people to people, from different people. Yeah, yes, sure, and some people have more trust, like basic trust, than others.
Carlo :Maybe their upbringing with the mother and the father, the families, have instilled some more trust, some people, some less.
Clemens :Exactly it starts with the birth already.
Carlo :Yes, yes.
Clemens :And yeah so, but I can check and I can say, oh yeah, and I feel. Yeah, I feel on one level connected, but I also can feel that on some level we're not fully connected.
Carlo :Which is totally natural, right yeah.
Clemens :Yeah, so, but speaking it out now, I feel there's already more connection.
Carlo :I also.
Carlo :We started the conversation the listeners don't know, but before the conversation I was kind of working out, oh how are we going to start? But then we just went, let's just go into it, and that was the best. I can also see that I'm very interested in your experience, because I see that there is, beyond the words that you're using I'm actually perceiving a lot of experience that you must have lived and experienced in order to be able to use these words. And having these patients that they come, these clients, that they come to you and you see them and you want to help them. It means that at some level you must have been through what they've been through, otherwise, otherwise you wouldn't know where to to catch them, where to, because everybody's at a different level and asks different things. Maybe you get some people that come to you and says I don't want to know about, I don't want to talk about my thing, just ask me.
Carlo :whatever money you want, just fix me you know, there are some people, yeah, absolutely there are people that don't want to look inside and, uh, they, they are just not so interested. They are very distracted, sometimes unknowingly, not so much consciously, that they are really taken away. Maybe they have important jobs, but not necessarily they're very taken, taken by and and distracted by many outside. Uh, stimulus, stimuli, right, so many things could be obviously social medias as well, but it could be running to pay the rent and many things, life it's. It's for everybody, um, different things and it's an experience, and it can be. It's for everybody different things and it's an experience, and it can be quite hard at times. So what we're talking about here, it's actually talking about something that perhaps it's something that can empower a person.
Carlo :This is, in fact, as you notice, the name of this podcast is the empowering yourself podcast. It actually took me a while to to come up with that. I had tons of other names, but in the end is that again, that name is very true to what I would like to have here, because for me and in my experience been around a few decades now when and I'm working on it on the authenticity level, when I, the more authentic I am, the more physically in my body, I feel empowered somehow, and if I am authentic today, tomorrow, a week, two months, one year, I somehow, in the end, I am more, as I say jokingly, I feel that my feet are in my shoes. I feel that I am solid in my shoes. You know that, whatever happens out there, I'm solid in what I believe, in who I am, and it wouldn't pull me in different directions because I'm kind of I know who I am, I know where I'm sitting, where I'm standing, and I feel that this thing is not just mental.
Carlo :It can be philosophical we can talk forever also about philosophy, which could be the subject of another podcast, for sure but it's very much physical. Hence the authenticity and what the discussion that we are having with you, clemens, because you really see authenticity in people, the clients that they come to see you. Yeah, that's right. What does it mean? If you were to say it in a compact way, what does it mean authenticity for you in your own life?
Clemens :I would say it's embracing everything that comes up in me, embracing all that.
Carlo :I am. This is very interesting. You didn't say embracing everything that comes up in the world externally, but you said embracing everything that comes up in me. And this see, I had the intuition that we would have quite interesting and deep conversation. That's when we met some weeks ago. You chose what happens the environment inside yourself. You didn't choose what happens outside, in the world, because you know there's a lot of talks about embracing everything that happens in life, which is also true. You know, life sometimes throws at us a bent ball and it can be difficult but you actually said embracing everything that happens in me. Tell us a little bit more about that, because this day and age, people are so distracted with what happens out there and themselves. What they feel inside is that the second, third, fourth place, they look for something out there and they don't look inside. So you said embracing everything that happens in me. How would you be able to explain this point for the listeners that are out there, maybe listening, maybe sharing this podcast with other people?
Clemens :Yeah, I mean our inner world. Our condition, the condition we are in right now shapes how we see the world. Our inner world shapes how we see the outer world. Right, I agree, it can be the very if you're in a very bad mood, the sun is shining, and then you're walking through the streets. You think, okay, this is uh, it doesn't matter, it's not just all. And you can't enjoy anything. Yeah and uh been there.
Clemens :I've been there if you're, if you're, if there's also already, if there's also already sunshine inside, you can even enjoy a rainy day or as one of my spiritual teachers once said the sun is only liquid.
Clemens :No, rain is only liquid sunshine. But that's very poetic. No, it's a matter of your view, of course, and of your inner world. Yeah, but embracing that means be in touch. Yeah, to be in touch with myself, to be connected to what I'm feeling inside, so what I'm sensing, the same as we did in the exorcism what am I sensing in my body? What am I feeling? How's my mood? Am I sad, am I happy, am I angry? And also how are my thoughts? And usually, usually, we are not so good at embracing our negative, so called negative emotions nobody likes that exactly.
Clemens :We don't want to have that. We don't want to have that we don't want to be confronted with that in others and you very often. That's how we grew up. In one family it was invited a cliche about Italians that I have that in Italy. It's also okay. I don't know to be dramatic and you can, I don't know. You can also be angry and you can fight in the family, but uh, you're aware that there's probably a big variety in all the families my, my grandfather will be like that.
Clemens :Yes, but you know, culturally, culturally, but culturally of course there are differences, so the Germans are very careful with their emotions.
Carlo :They contain them a lot. Very controlled, very controlled, yeah.
Clemens :So yeah, so it's.
Carlo :Which actually doesn't help authenticity. Because, it kind of no it really doesn't help.
Clemens :I mean, that's how, through our upbringing, what was allowed or supported or rejected, which feeling in our family, that, and of course, as a child you have to adapt. You cannot say, oh, oh, the family next door, they are much more nicer, I will go there. Goodbye, good try, parents, I'll go over there, it's nice in there. You cannot choose, you have to find strategies with that and with that we also develop our character structure, with our patterns and also with what we call the mask self. Develop our character structure with our patterns and also with what we call the mask self.
Carlo :The persona. The persona.
Clemens :So this idealized image how we should be in front of ourselves and for others, and so we will be loved and liked and all that.
Andre:Oh yes.
Clemens :But that is strong. That stuff is strong. So character, yeah, and it limits us and so looking, and we don't want to look, we don't want others to look behind this facade, behind this mask, so they can see the ugly things that are behind it. And often we don't even want to acknowledge ourselves that we have that, we have hatred in us, that we have negativity in us, that all of these things we don't want. We wanted to go away. Yeah, under the carpet, under the carpet yes, no, I don, I don't have that.
Carlo :Yes, yes.
Clemens :Other people, my God. They have this and that, but I don't have that. I'm not an angry person. Angry is for I don't know people who cannot control themselves.
Carlo :Right, so they're weaker, you see.
Clemens :Yes, so for myself as well, when I'm working with clients there, it gets really interesting. Can you embrace what you find behind you? Can you embrace when you find, oh God, there's a part in me which is so angry and and we all know that I would I'm so angry at this person. I would just I have the images of punching this person in that, in the face, or something like that. Yeah and oh, and then you maybe you're afraid, yeah, and so so what to do with it? Yeah, I suppress, or can you take responsibility for these impulses so you don't have to act this out and actually I don't know, punch somebody or do it in another way, because also these people who say, oh, I would never, I'm not acting this out, we have other ways. Yeah, passive aggressiveness.
Andre:Oh, yes, I don't know.
Clemens :Withdrawal or blaming this out. We have other ways passive aggressiveness, I don't know. Withdrawal or blaming, complaining. There's a lot of aggressiveness and it's hidden, but it's there. It's there all the time.
Carlo :It's a human trait. We all have these things. It's not like people don't accept who they are. We all have some of that.
Clemens :It's a human thing and the more we want to control this, the more these impulses, or this animalistic side, the steppenwolf in us Right. Gets worse. Yeah, the more we have and you really have to for impulses, movement impulses, you really have to use your muscles, it's not just, it's really like through your body.
Carlo :You have to embody that emotion.
Clemens :Yeah, and on the other side, everything that you're holding back, back or in, or together or on, for all that, you really need your muscles also and your body to control all of that and of course, to a certain degree, of course, you want to. You don't want people to punch to, just to punch somebody in the face, just saying it was. That was very authentic, it was my natural impulse it was very authentic.
Clemens :I'm an authentic person but it was an authentic rage and I just had to punch somebody in the face yeah, that's of course. It might even be authentic, but of course it's not the authenticity that we are talking about. We are talking about even if you're authentic, but of course that's not the authenticity that we are talking about. On the other hand, we need to find solutions, how to deal, but it is authentic. But what to do? How to take?
Carlo :responsibility. That's the key word you mentioned before Responsibility.
Clemens :So that makes the difference between childish behavior, acting out something or taking responsibility for this force. It's basically a force that says something is going wrong here.
Carlo :These emotions, this force.
Clemens :Exactly. It says okay, anger comes because I feel, okay, something is wrong here For me.
Carlo :Yes.
Clemens :And we don't need to discuss it. We can discuss it and that's what you like to do. And then this right? No, but emotionally, you don't have to discuss emotions. It is Because the emotion is there, it's energy that is there?
Carlo :Yeah, it is there.
Clemens :And you cannot talk it away. I mean, that's what we're trying all the time, yeah, but actually it would be better to just, yeah, not go punch somebody but to I don't know take a pillow and say I'm so fucking angry and I'm gonna punch this punch now, here on the mattress yes.
Clemens :So you're taking responsibility. Some people, when they see you, they might think you're taking responsibility, but you might. Some people, when they see you, they might think you're crazy, but, on the other hand, you're taking responsibility for this emotion, yeah, for this energy, and when you punch your pillow or your mattress, nobody gets hurt, it's true, unless you, you put the bed, nowhere.
Carlo :the bed is okay, is okay you reach the wood thing, the wood.
Clemens :So you don't have to carry this around and control it all the time, but you have some room to express it and this energy can flow through, can flow out without harming anybody. Yes, and that's, for example, example, also a space that my clients love so much that I say, oh, wow, it's so great that I can and we have that I can cry here like, like a dog and I can stomp my feet angry and I can scream and you, you, you create a safe space for them to be who they are and they feel free and they open up exactly, and they can have all these emotions that they often held holding back since their childhood because, I don't know, maybe when they got angry, this would have been really bad consequences they would be shouted at or even slapped, or something like that.
Clemens :Yes, right yeah, um, so this is stored and it's. It's part of this, like what's, uh, and to go back into this process and allow people to have these emotions that they could never have yeah, to be authentic to what they feel yeah to, oh and just and express this press it yes and without judgment.
Clemens :You mentioned this in the beginning, without judgment. So I'm not saying, oh my god, you shouldn't do this, you shouldn't be like that. I'm just inviting all of that without judgment, and also the ugliest ideas they have, like the hatred and the feelings where they want to hurt somebody and all that. It's a part in the way it should not be cultivated. Some people misunderstand this process.
Clemens :It's not about cultivation, it's just that it can come out and flow out, flow through, and then you will find yourself at a place of peace. When you go through your anger, you come to peace.
Carlo :Yes, that's wonderful. You take us through this, this journey, um, with really, um, real examples. I mean responsibility once, uh, another coach friend of mine, um told me carlo is is basically the ability to deal with, uh, with what happens. So it's a response ability. So responsibility because the word responsibility is scary for many because it's like, oh, I need to work, oh, my God, there's some work I need to do but actually it's the ability to respond to a situation. And you said at the beginning, not just external, but in whatever happens inside of me. Absolutely yes, this is huge, this is absolutely huge.
Carlo :How would you say that people could be authentic these days where society, like you mentioned you cannot be? Many of us have been taught to be in a certain way because society was approving some behavior and disapproving of another behavior. So maybe you wanted to be in a certain way because society was approving some behavior and disapproving of another behavior. So maybe you wanted to be authentic, but that behavior wasn't actually supported by society or by the group of friends, or by the school or by wherever you we are grown and so do we have an antidote? Because, because this is going on, and I see this, this, this, um, because this is going on and I see this going away, as I say, from our own shoes, going away and being less authentic Even people not so consciously about this in order to be a people pleaser, you know this one also pleasing so that everybody thinks I'm a good guy I don't feel like I'm a good guy and going away from what they really are. But also to a societal level, because in society also this unfortunately, some behavior is supported, some not so authentic behavior is actually supported sometimes.
Carlo :But then the human, the single person, has a problem, because I said in the other podcast, I mean, we, we learn to be a certain person which fits in a society that we are more or less to a certain degree and we, we kind of domesticate ourselves, uh, to behave in a certain way in different situations. But then we could risk that we even marry a person and you meet the person, but the person that you marry actually sees the persona that you built and not who you really are. So then he becomes you know, it's an avalanche. He starts very small, but then he grows, grows, grows and then you're completely squashed at a certain age. Do you know what I'm?
Clemens :yes, absolutely yeah, yeah, I mean, it has also to do with this covering up, right, this mask and this how it to come out of this is, yeah, to be true, truthful, to tell the truth to yourself, to others yeah. I mean of, are situations not so easy.
Carlo :It could be dangerous, yeah where it's smart.
Clemens :It's very smart to adapt to the situation yes, sometimes you cannot. It's not smart to say everything to everybody, in every situation in the face.
Carlo :Yes, it is true, you have to adapt, right, you have to. Also, sometimes, some people can't take.
Clemens :Exactly. They cannot take, so you have to be so. That's why it's so, at least to be true to yourself.
Carlo :To yourself.
Clemens :And then you can consciously choose what you. Yeah, that's another thing. Yeah, just this, choosing consciously, but first you know the need to know what's the truthful, what's going on in you, right? So this is always the basis we start starts from ourselves, yeah, and yeah.
Clemens :And practice this with, and practice this truthful communication, then, with the people you want to be, want to build relationships or deepen relationships? Yeah, and then this is where trust comes from, real contact comes from, and that you share also what you want to do. We had this example with a woman that you're interested in. Let's say, you have a date and you may have the impulse to put your arm around her.
Andre:Right.
Clemens :And maybe if you're very well tuned in, you could just do it and it feels nice, but often we're not so sure if this is invited or we can't read the other person. But you could share the impulse. You could say, oh, actually I feel right now I have this idea of putting my arm around your shoulder. How do you like this idea? And then it's on the table and I have expressed myself and she can say, oh, that's a very good idea. Or she could say, hmm, I don't know if you're there already, where is this going? Say, hmm, I don't know if they're there already.
Carlo :Where is this going? Yes, this is fantastic because these are all practical examples and quite small and quite innocent and very easily to practice for the listeners. Because we've been given actually we've been given quite a few of these examples how to be centered, we talked about breathing, we talked about being with your feet on the ground and feeling the body.
Clemens :Yeah, and I'm thinking you need to dare. You need to dare to take risks. You need to, you want to take a risk. You must to be vulnerable a little bit.
Carlo :This is a great thing you're mentioning at this point. How would someone that is of course this is the question coming of course how would someone that is completely listening to all this stuff that we put together in this podcast, quite spontaneously actually, and might be interested and saying, well, you know what, what of what you guys said resonates with me? So I have an intention, I want to try in my own way, but they feel very vulnerable and it's very risky, and so they might say, ah, another day. So what could it be? A way to you know, start, start something you know.
Clemens :They say a thousand mile journey starts from the first step yeah, exactly, so you don't have to go for like you don't need to. If it's scary to put your arm around a woman that you're dating, then maybe you have to start with just looking into her eyes for a moment and then you look away and you go back to a safe place.
Carlo :We are giving now a couple of advices. No.
Clemens :I'm just coming back to this because yes, yes. I mean, the relationship is so much about. It's all about relationship. You could say you have a relationship to yourself, relationship to others, and that's where our wounds, our traumas are coming from.
Carlo :Absolutely. It is all about relationship, yeah, with ourselves first yeah, and also to nature, to nature, looking at the bigger to the planet yes, yes. So now, right now, exactly the planet to society.
Clemens :So it's, it's the same thing on all levels somehow.
Carlo :Yeah, yeah, clemens, we've been talking for some time now on all levels somehow. Yeah, clemens, we've been talking for some time now and so much information and, yeah, so many information that can actually be tested we have in this podcast. I'm so happy about it. Now, what would you like to leave the listeners with? Something that they could empower them, authenticity empowerment, something that they could try, something that they could take home. We've given many things already. Is that one last thing for this time that you want to leave them with?
Clemens :You don't have to do it alone.
Carlo :That's a great message. That's a great message, that's a great message.
Clemens :And dare to ask for support. Absolutely From your friends, from family or from a coach, from a therapist. That's often what is very difficult for many of us and it's also a step to being vulnerable and to be authentic, and it's very human that said, clemens, this was such a journey, so beautiful.
Carlo :well, listeners out there, thank you for being with us. We will be back with you very soon, in a few weeks, as you've noticed, and once again, clemens, thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Clemens :Thank you, Carlo.
Carlo :We speak soon.
Andre:Bye, that's it for now. We hope you enjoyed it and if so, please share it with friends, give us comments and subscribe. Expect at least one podcast per month.
